The Best Quotes

("My Favorites" selections by users)
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  • 4581

    A Favorite of 115 users

    WHY AM I MARRIED?
    >
    > You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
    > __________
    > At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
    > "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man", said t'other.
    > __________
    A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted".
    Next day she received a hundred letters.
    They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
    > __________
    When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
    __________
    A woman is incomplete until she is married-- then she's finished .
    __________
    A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
    Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."
    __________
    Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late."
    __________
    Marriage is the triumph of imagination ove r intelligence.
    __________
    If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
    __________
    Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
    __________
    First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
    Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
    __________
    "A Woman's Prayer:
    Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man, to Love and to
    forgive him, and for patience, for his moods. Because Lord, if I pray
    for Strength I'll just beat him to death"
    __________

    AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

    Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.

    So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why
    > don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That
    ticking sound is driving me crazy."

    The blind man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."

    Posted by pagan in Marriage  ID#:164839
  • 4582

    A Favorite of 115 users

    Only in America ......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of
    the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

    Only in America ........do people order
    double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

    Only in America ......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in America ......do we leave cars
    worth thousands of dollars in the
    driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

    Only in America ......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

    Only in America ......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

    Only in America ......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

    EVER WONDER ....

    Why the sun lightens our hair,
    but darkens our skin ?

    Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

    Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

    Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

    Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

    Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

    Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

    Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

    You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

    Why do sheep stay fluffy when it rains?

    Why are they called apartments when
    they are all stuck together?

    If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

    If flying is so safe,
    why do they call the airport the terminal?

    Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile every once in a while.

    Posted by Dntcheatwtf in Humor  ID#:182969
  • 4583

    A Favorite of 115 users

    When I was born Devil said...Oh S**t!!! Another GOD!!!..& When you were born devil said ...Oh S**t!!!!Competition...!!! ....

    Posted by Margeri in Fun Phrases  ID#:191045
  • 4584

    A Favorite of 115 users

    Call me weak because I never gave in, or you know what, call me weak because I cried when you hurt me. Call me weak because I gave you all of me, and it was a waste of time. Call me inconsiderate because I hung up on you when you deserved it. But most of all, I dare you to call me stupid, because that's all I've ever allowed myself to be when I took a chance with you.

    Posted by QueenPin in Love  ID#:212056
  • 4585

    A Favorite of 115 users

    "Sometimes, I'm so convincing, I forget my smile is fake."

    Posted by The_Dark_Princess in Love  ID#:240026
  • 4586

    A Favorite of 115 users

    I'll always be beside you, until the very end.
    Wiping all your tears away, being your best friend.
    I'll smile when you smile, and feel the pain you do.
    And if you cry a single tear, I promise I'll cry too.

    Posted by Levizzle in Friendship  ID#:242827
  • 4587

    A Favorite of 115 users

    You have to be sad sometimes, because if you aren't you forget how wonderful it is to be happy.

    Posted by NBA_Hoopster in Happiness  ID#:249260
  • 4588

    A Favorite of 115 users

    The less attention you give someone, the more they'll give you.

    Posted by batkins182 in Life  ID#:268123
  • 4589

    A Favorite of 115 users

    It's called flirting when you are in a relationship.. And. it's called being friendly when you are single...

    ;)

    Posted by janMD in Humor  ID#:271149
  • 4590

    A Favorite of 115 users

    Dont you hate it when u are smiling and laughing and having a good time... and then you see... him.

    Posted by ~*Lil_Sondra*~ in Love  ID#:290880

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